Monday, 19 March 2018

re-birth progress

This morning, I had a re-birthing breakthrough.

Rather than sharing all the negative emotions I released, I will attempt to keep this as positive as possible.

Basically, I hold a lot of resentment towards my mother, because I felt that she resentment me too. All these feelings and assumptions comes from my own birth.

I also have a lot of fears about having my mother with me for the birth of my child. I keep thinking negative things of how she will panic, and act in fear. How she may criticism me, the same way she has done so many times before.

Now, if she holds negative feelings towards me or not, I do not know for sure, and either way, I cannot do much about how she feels.

My power lies in understanding and facing how I feel about her. To say that I can "control" it is not the right term as control is nothing but an illusion, but I can learn to deal with these feelings, acknowledge it, and eventually, let it go.

During this process, I am getting more in touch with my creativity. I feel I am healing in so many levels.

I am thinking about starting another blog, just about giving birth and the healing process of rebirth. Only positive posts about how I am dealing with it.

I also wanted to talk more about the "treatment" the NHS put us through. NO respect for the mother or baby, NO respect for the natural process that is giving birth.

anyway, I am to recommend the book I am reading right now: Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Kaplan Shanley. It simply amazing mind preparation for birth, even for those giving birth assisted in a hospital.

I have so much respect for Laura for creating such an amazing book, it is really helping me clear all the negative thinking and doubts I have about giving birth naturally.

It encourages and empowers women to embrace their femininity and their motherhood.

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Is the NHS the boss of me?

Having pregnancy care via the NHS is very stressful. You are treated like a broken machine that is not capable of being a human being, never mind a pregnant women. Your baby is a product, and your birth is property of the NHS. You will be told you do not have a choice once the consultant is involved, it is his decision whereat or not you are capable of being a women and perform your natural bodily functions like giving birth.

NHS Midwives are wolves in sheep's skin. They do as they told by the establishment. If you try to reach out towards these human beings, they will not recognize you as another human being. All the see is the NHS number that you are, and their job is to check some many little boxes on your maternity notes to confirm that they have dutifully performed their job.

The NHS procedure and guidelines were NOT created to protect the mother, baby or patient. The NHS procedures and guidelines are meant to benefit them, not your or me, not our babies.

I am so angry right now, but then I am the one going to hospital appointments, waiting for 45 minutes, then having a rude little man tell me that I am incapable of being a women.

Somehow, when God created women and the birth process, He made lots of mistakes. But not worries, the greedy overpaid consultants in the NHS know how to fix our "being a women disability"

I tried to change an appointment at the hospital because I did not have childcare, I was told that I cannot change an appointment without authorization from the consultant. I had to FIGHT that person.

I was told I cannot have a homebirth or midwife care birth because that is the decision for the consultant to make, not me.

I was told that I can try for a VBAC only if I go into natural labor before 39 weeks, and even so, they will allow me to try for a few hours then transfer me to surgery.

All these are lies being told to women by the NHS staff, because they are not told and do not understand, that these decisions are ours, not theirs, not the consultants, not the government. Our choice, Our decision.

I still weeks away from giving birth to my second child, and I am already planning to by pass the NHS for my third pregnancy.

There is a part of me that wants to fight, right complaint letters, post youtube videos, post on facebook groups, write this blog, and even take the NHS to court, but all these are me trying to FIX a broken system.

The NHS is broken, and broken beyond repair. throwing lots of cash at it will do nothing, and possible make it worse.

We have a "health" system that tells healthy people to have unnecessary surgical procedures, and that tells sick people that there is not enough money to treat them.

I came across a site that many recommend, indiebirth. the podcasts are free to access and very insightful.

I want to cancel all my appointments with the consultants, and all the extra scans they offer me, but will see the midwife for now. I am reading, listening, and watching all about VBACs, home birth, free birth and positive emotional affirmations. I know this process is a healing one, and not just for me.

As society we are awaking up to these monsters that call themselves our masters.