Religion: what is my problem with you?
What does religion reflects about me? What triggers me to become agitated and defensive?
I stated recently that I have healed any remaining issues I had towards certain religious groups. But then last night I had to face a trigger that made me realize how these issues, especially when concerning women’s rights, can get my blood boiling in no time. Then my super Ego comes out to save the world with judgemental comments.
And if it isn’t bad enough to be judgemental of others, the Ego responds with the assumption that I am actually helping others when I behave this way. Because maybe that is what they need to hear to push them into opening the eyes and become awaken, says my Ego.
But then sometimes the ego does have a purpose, and maybe that purpose is not just the selfish service to self. And that is from personal experience, so many times I have been criticized for my way of thinking and that was the push I need to move on and learn to understand myself.
Defeats the purpose?
But anyway, back to the subject. As always we must look within ourselves for the answers. I never really got the grasp of why I can feel great and optimist and understanding and sympathetic/empathetic towards others but shortly become highly critical. But now I know that this downfall in my awareness and frequency is my Ego becoming defensive and holding on to old labels that no longer serve me.
But is that exactly? What scar are these that my ego keeps on pulling the scabs and not allowing full healing to take place?
Let’s examine my latest trigger.
I watched a video of 4 Muslims women in London speaking up against a recent BBC Panorama show that exposed the unfair treatment of women by Sharia councils across Britain. What got to me was the fact these women did not give a crap about their fellow sisters who were abused by the own husbands and were seeking help from these Sharia councils. Instead they put all the efforts against “the society” and “the media”.
Yes the BBC is constantly trying to shape public opinion. And “the society”? Who are they? They are us, we are the society and that includes the four Muslims women in the video.
I was outraged that these four women completed missed the important point in the exposure of the sharia council in question. They took it all as a personal attack on themselves. I do agree that the BBC report was totally trying to downgrade the religions aspects but nonetheless they also gave voice to the women who were abused by their own husbands, and if that isn’t bad enough, once they got the courage to seek help, they had to face the incompetent individuals at some specific sharia councils that made matters worse for the women, and all for the sake of keeping appearances that marriage (mostly arranged in these situations) are working when they have long broke down.
Muslims have this big problem with the word DIVORCE. But back to the video, the where many points the women discussed but none gave voice and support to the many women, Muslims and Non-Muslims that are victims of domestic violence.
So I then realized that what is needed to heal my own scars is solidarity. I felt powerless to help abused women and without knowing how to react to such situation, since I myself have been a victim and felt powerless to help myself.
So I am angry at myself for not being strong and independent enough in the past. And that past wants to be acknowledged. These are multiple scars, building upon each other. One of these life situations I am not prepared to discuss right now. But let me tell you about another more recent situation.
I was once in a happ…ish relationship that eventually started to crack as the foundations where never strong. As the person that I was back then, I tried all I could to “save” the relationship. When I look back I can see that I did not care much for myself or the other person; I was putting my focus on “the relationship”.
The more he tried to push away from me, the more I held on to the relationship. He, once sweet and friendly, became more and more verbally abusive. The verbal abuse got worst and worst until I realized what I had to do. I had to let the relationship follow its course and be dissolved. And since he was not willing to take the last step to kill the relationship, I had to pick up the pieces of my broken self and face reality.
That was a very difficult time of my life, and this was dealing with verbal abuse only. I cannot even pretend to understand what some of the women that had to face physical abuse but also some that were in even more powerless and had to see their children also being physically abused.
But let me tell you the most difficult step I had to take. The most detrimental and shameful of all, the one that is most psychological difficult and painful: to drop the mask I had created over the years, and tell others...
It literately feels like walking up to people and saying: “yes I am a loser, I have failed, I am unloved, I am not normal like everybody else, I don’t deserve respect, and I am powerless”
So I really can sympathy with the women that, wanting to follow their religion background, seek help from a British Sharia Council … but instead it’s like they walk into the Sharia Council and say “KICK ME WHEN I AM DOWN” and the Sharia say “YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK, WE WILL KICK YOU ANYWAY”
Luckily in my case I had no religion baggage to carry around with me, so I was able to walk away and take care of myself emotionally and financially (the healing of those scars still taking place today).
So when I see people jumping high to protect “the label” (i.e. the religion, the culture, the relationship status, etc…) but completing ignores the person (that human being that requires assistance and compassion), then the trigger is pull.
And once that trigger is pull, my scars are open. Once the scars are open, healing will eventually take place. So in that sense, I thank the women in the youtube video who blind and ignorant of other women’s pain, have actually given me this opportunity to realise my own pain.
By sharing this personal aspect of my existence, I am consciously acknowledging the pain and transmute it into love, compassion and solidarity.
And if you are a Muslim women, I ask you: What are you doing? Are you a contributor to the social systems that oppress people? Do you ever raise your voice to aid your fellow human companions? Are you allowing victimisation to take place? Is this my ego talking? What if, just if, instead of putting all your efforts into point the finger at others (although they did point the finger at you first), but instead of doing the same, what if you spend your efforts in helping those who need assistance?
What if women came together to support one another, emotional and financially. So if one of us needs help to leave an abusive husband, she would not be afraid and helpless, she would have our support and understanding. We would not judge her or make her feel powerless; we would instead embrace her and make her feel loved.
What if we started to believe that God loves us women as much as He loves man? What if we loved and respected ourselves? What if we did no fear God, but appreciated God instead? But now I am going away to the subject… the point is, as individual disconnected divided women we are indeed weak. But collective we can create positive change. Our daughters will not live in fear, the will hold their own power.